This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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