Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
