she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
