Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I need a burrito and a hug.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
