My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
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If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
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just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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