the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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