Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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