The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
