Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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