the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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