Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
