Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
