ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The Olympian is in my bed
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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