Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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