her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
