the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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