He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
