I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My breasts were aching with rage.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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