Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
