; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
