mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
