tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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