bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
