Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Can I color on your dick again?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
