So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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