y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
