Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
