i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
