Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
