just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
