I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
