I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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