I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
