Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize