my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
