shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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