who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
