last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
