there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
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