I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
