No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
