I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
