Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
