They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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