My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
