Have you finally orgasmed yet?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
