No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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