i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
