My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
