I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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