i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Do you remember whose house we're in?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
