It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Come on in and take your pants off
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