Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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