I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
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Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*