honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
oh yeah. preciate
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.