Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year