You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
