I need help removing her.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
