shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
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Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
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I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
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