Don't you send me to vm
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
