why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
