I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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